Birthday Song

live in my head for just one day
i see myself and look away
the road is showing now on my face
soon i'll disappear
i'd disappear with
i'd disappear without a fuckin trace

faces that i've seen turn old and grey
i've lost too many friends along the way
memories i never thought would fade
they fade and blow away

i wish that i could disappear
unzip my skin and leave it here
so i could be no one again
and never let nobody
i'd let nobody
i'd let nobody in

faces that i've seen turn old and grey
i've lost too many friends along the way
memories i never thought would fade
they fade and blow away

so now the walls are closing in
because in life you sink or swim
sometimes these shoes don't feel right in my head
feel like a book that can't be
a book that can't be
a book that can't be read

faces that i've seen turn old and grey
i've lost too many friends along the way
memories i never thought would fade
they fade and blow away

(Blow Away - Staind)

Do I ?

As I sit here and slowly close my eyes
I take another deep breath and feel the wind pass through my body
I'm the one in your soul, reflecting inner light
Protect the ones who hold you, cradeling your inner child

I need serenity in a place where I can hide
I need serenity, nothing changes days go by

Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we re-light the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control

Tragic visions slowly stole my life
Tore away everything, cheating me out of my time
I'm the one who loves you no matter wrong or right
And everyday I hold you
I hold you with my inner child

I need serenity in a place where I can hide
I need serenity, nothing changes days go by

Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we re-light the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control

(Serenity by Godsmack)

Certainty, unknown.

The year has been very different, strange, unknown, unimaginable - a revolutionary combination. Life does not just take but also gives, and this past year reminds me that I am a living example of such a life.

There is too much confusion when I think of the past year. I have answers to questions I don't need and questions to which I have no answers. Also, questions I thought would diminish and fade without a discernible realization were answered with certainty in a matter of seconds, while answers that I was actually looking for lay wild in some corner of my imagination. Only now I have this hope that time will answer them. Every question cannot have an answer - faith is an example. Unusual, but I now have faith in that.

As days have passed, I have learnt. This learning has either merely tickled my memory or has startled my imagination and jolted my existence. Unusual, but this has not simply befuddled me but also helped me decipher my own imagination, therefore leaving me in a state of flux.

I have learnt from time and what a teacher time is? I have tried to understand the depths of its variations and have failed on every occasion. Unusual, but I have learnt nevertheless to comprehend and appreciate the beauty of its change - like seasons - thereby giving hope of betterment and another opportunity.

I have learnt from humans who are as different and unique as the wave born from the death of a drop. They have taught me so much and yet I am not content and want to know more with a strange fear that one day I will give up and would not be able to contain any more. I have learnt, to love and feel it, to hold and be held, to raise and rise, to believe and be believed, to see through and beyond. Unusual, but respectively I have also learnt, to hate and feel it, to let go and be gone, to descend and fall, to question and be questioned, to be blind and hide.

I have grown another year and life has given me every opportunity to know more. Will I get what I desire in the time to come? Its a question unanswered, a certainty unknown.

....... mangoes a day?

I rarely find time to thank God. Not because I'm too busy but I feel it is just never enough because I keep losing count for everything I need to thank Him for. My list of "things" go on and on and the rest is a never ending story. Items in this list are not really ordered and it keeps changing all the time - depending on time, mood etc. Also, I group things because some of the things need to be thanked equally and the others can wait. One of the things that can wait is Summer and for this reason it is in the last group. Ironically, it is during the Summer season that I move Summer to the priority group and thank God for it.

Summer, particularly in Dubai, is a test of human patience and an advance screening of the day of judgement. However, it is after this test that the fruition of human mission in this world is determined. Similarly, it is during peak summer that the fruit of heaven satisfies and blesses the human race with its prescence, color, smell and heavenly taste.

Every time I open the refrigerator during summer, I see nothing but gold. It's just that this gold is consumed as an ornament of the palate and if used in excess can be heavy on the stomach. For me, I just cannot have enough of it. Its like antibiotics - 2 in the morning; 2 in the afternoon; 2 at night; after food; for 2 months.

The pleasure and satisfaction of eating a mango is beyond words and limitations of this blog. I can feel my eyes shine when they see it; my hands pleased with its shape; my taste buds praying in anticipation; my stomach wanting more and more.

I just cannot thank God enough for Mangoes. If He forgives for simply thanking Him, I'd be the most forgiven person on the planet - of course, only during the summer.

Open for interpretation

Follow your common sense
You cannot hide yourself
behind a fairytale forever and ever
Only by revealing the whole truth can we disclose
The soul of this bulwark forever and ever
Forever and ever

Indoctrinated minds so very often
Contain sick thoughts
And commit most of the evil they preach against

Don’t try to convince me with messages from God
You accuse us of sins committed by yourselves
It’s easy to condemn without looking in the mirror
Behind the scenes opens reality

Eternal silence cries out for justice
Forgiveness is not for sale
Nor is the will to forget

Virginity has been stolen at very young ages
And the extinguisher loses it’s immunity
Morbid abuse of power in the garden of eden
Where the apple gets a youthful face

You can’t go on hiding yourself
Behind old fashioned fairytales
And keep washing your hands in innocence

(Cry for the moon - Epica)

Happy Daddy Day

Everyone on Facebook is really excited about Father's day. Everyone had status updates congratulating all the fathers of the world for .......... well, being a father. I did not update my status. Honestly, I did not even know it was father's day. After reading so many status updates I felt a little selfish and uncool for not remembering this important day. And if this was not enough my dad reminded me that it was father's day and that too after watching an emotional piece of poetry on GEO tv. Yeah, I was quite embarassed.

For some reason I have never really understood these "DAY"s. I think that these days are just meant to make people think that one day is enough to make parents happy for what they do for their children. For all the sacrifices and pains they go through in their lives to make the world a better place for the child, one day is enough during the year to thank them. After chatting to someone and thinking about it, I realized that I might be a little wrong here.

Every human being needs importance. Now, I am not talking about people who actually try to get importance. I am talking about people who do not expect anything. Such beings are rare to find. Most parents, however, can be classified in this category of beings. They dont expect anything which is why they should be given that much extra importance.

When a child is born, it is weak and useless. In time it gets the importance and love and when ignored the child finds a way (usually through extreme shrieking repetitive sounds known as crying) to get the attention. There are times when parents are busy with life to make it better for the child and this makes the child feel ignored and neglected. However, as the child grows, he/she does not require the importance and attention and likes to be free and independent. Parents, however, get old but dont grow with the child. This results in their perception of the child as the same weak, useless being waiting to get the attention. However, children can take their own decisions and do not require parents any more. Interestingly, it is these times when parents need attention. They need to feel that their existence means something in the life of their child even if they dont take any decisions. Yet, they will never cry and ask for it.

So after thinking a bit about it and getting an idea from someone I realized that there is no harm in making this special day special for "daddy the great". After all it will just make him feel a little more important and because he never asked for it.

Why do they do it?

List of things people do that I cannot stand:

One:
Phone rings. Remo answers the phone.
Remo: "Hey dr how are you man? Long time"
dr: "Yeah, obvisouly you are too busy to call me so I thought I will call"
Remo: "Oh!! no dude nothing like that, just been busy with .........."
dr: "Yeah I know you are the only one busy with everything"
Remo: "Come on man, its not like you call me everyday. You've also called after ...... "
dr: "Who is the one who is calling right now? You just complain all the time"
Remo: "Ok dr what is it that you want?"
dr: "Nothing. What you think I have called you for something? I cant call you just to ask how you've been doing?"
Remo: "No you can, but in the past you've rarely called me for nothing."
dr: "Yeah yeah yeah, are you coming tonight?"
Remo: "See I knew there was something".
dr: "Ok whatever, are you coming?"

I cannot stand people who complain that "you have not called for weeks". Well, neither have you my friend but unlike you I am not complaining. And more importantly you have called for some work and pretend that you were thinking about me. That is just dishonest.

Two:
I cannot stand people who talk about themselves all the time. I mean come on, let it go, switch the topic - lets talk about the world coming to an end, high food prices, issues with Pakistan government, earthquake in china, Bush, Obama, Clinton, god damn Jerry Springer, anything, any @#$%^&* thing but you.

Three:
I cannot stand people who tell you stuff about you with so much confidence that you feel you dont know yourself at all. If that is not enough, people actually say things about you in front of others in your presence, making it sound like the most matter-of-fact thing about you anyone could ever know.

Four:
I cannot stand people who believe in their analysis of others so much that they cannot change their point of view because they have learnt to trust themselves. I have no issues with that, but the problem arises when that point of view becomes so strong that they are not willing to accept that others can change for the better.

Five:
I cannot stand people who ask questions about you all the time. What, where, who, with, why, when - are you stupid or what? Even Sergey and Larry would not be able to come up with an algorithm to answer all those questions. (Now someone will ask who are they? grrrrrrrr)

Six:
I cannot stand people who do not forgive and forget and pretend that they do. Most of the people I have seen in my life neither forgive nor forget. Those who do forget never forgive and only pretend that they forget. It is hard, no doubt but practice makes a man ( and a woman for that matter) perfect.

Seven:
I cannot stand people who stare at you or at others. This is usually something women complain about men, but I have seen women who stare at other women and men. I wonder what goes through their minds at the time?

Eight:
I cannot stand people who disrespect. By disrespect I dont mean they go around swearing or slapping people in public but rather disrespecting when they talk and make it sound like they are just cool and being themselves. I dont quite understand why do people think that respect is only in the heart. No it isnt. If that was the case, why does one call upon God with humility, speak to parents with respect? Every kid in school and at home is taught to respect teachers and elders. For me, if you dont respect someone in your heart, you will not talk with respect either.

Nine:
I cannot stand people who shout or even talk harsh to waiters in restaurants if their order goes wrong or the food is not as good as they expected. I even know some people who talk as if the person waiting is not a waiter but a servant. My questions to such people, "Have you worked as a waiter?". "Have you not gone through a bad day at work ever?" Cut the person some slack will you? Let it go. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt that they are having a bad day or they dont feel healthy or they had a fight with their spouse or anything that you can think of has happened to you which made it bad at work for you.

Ten:
I cannot stand myself for doing some of these things.

Beirut

It is hard to accept, but people in Lebanon are not that bad. The impression in Dubai is that they are mean and to themselves and a whole bunch of other stuff, but the common person in Beirut is simple, stylish, extremely ... extremely ... extremely proud of being a Lebanese, and kinda friendly as well. (All the waiters were friendly and I have not gone shopping but I am sure I will be given better treatment than I get in Zara)

Needless to say, women are just out of this world. They are fashionable, sexy, kinda mean (I've only heard that - obvisouly a desi like me would never go and talk to one because of sheer fear of embarassment that she might say something in French that I would would not understand and a hundred people around would laugh at me thinking "nice try habibi, but you aint LIBANAISE sucker !!!".), and yeah they are always alongwith other men who just dont look good at all (no I am not jealous !!! Its a fact!).

They have Super Clubs in Beirut. My weird imagination did not want to think too much about it but then a colleague just made it very clear what these places are. Lets just say, I saw a beautiful bazar in Byblos and a Super Club close to it reminding me of Sultanahmet in Istanbul and Pat Pong in Bangkok. Its a "PIMPING" place - literally.

We had lunch at a restaurant on a high cliff in Byblos overlooking the ocean. Whoever does not believe in God, please visit this restaurant and you will definitely change your mind. The food, as expected, was amazing. A colleague and her husband took me out to this place, and they ordered food for me as well. I just binged, because my stomach kept reminding me I am a punjabi and that too a lahori, with a sweet tooth - lethal combination. Interestingly, when I was finished, I was told that all of the food was just starters, the main course is on its way. Yeah, I had the main course as well.

Beirut is not as war ridden as we see on television. However, the civil war and the last three years have taken away a lot from the "Paris of Middle East". You see the military and tanks on the streets but they are just there because of the battle these past few weeks. It is a beautiful place, with a history, culture, and as a colleague put it "a soul". It just makes one wonder what would this place be like if there was no war - but then something needs to satisfy the egoistic needs of all the greedy men of the world.

Arrived in Beirut

- Arrived in Beirut, Lebanon.
- Airpot was quite nice.
- People were welcoming - unlike the ones in Dubai.
- Staying in Movenpick. They dont have wireless internet (losers!!!)