Roller coaster math

Calculations have never been my strong point. Although, I have been successful in Math all through school but for some reason we never got along. All in all Mathematics was never my best friend.

One of the reasons for not keeping Math "in the corner of my eye" was its impractical use in life (in general) and the importance laid on its theoretical education. No matter what the intelligence level, every kid is supposed to get a full 100 in math just because the answers to the questions are either completely right or completely wrong - no credit for effort. Also the total marks define the IQ in many cases. If they achieve a full 100, the topic of conversation in every gathering for every parent is "What grade did your kid get in Math?". If they dont (or rather cant which is worse, unfathomable, unacceptable and many times unforgiving) then the parental fury is unleashed in various forms - some known to humankind and some unknown.

Mathematics certainly has its importance in other sciences - no contest. Directly, in my view, it does not really affect humans at a macro level. Of course there is no 4 if there is no "2" and no "+". With this notion I have spent most of my days looking for one such example that directly affects life at a macro level. It finally struck.

Life, as it is, changes with time and at every level, for each individual, the change is different. For some the change is good and brings happiness, for some it brings sorrow and still for some it stays the same waiting for change.

Within life, there are multiple aspects - big and small - that are bound to change. These aspects in turn combine to change life as a whole. Behavior, mindset, stereotypes, personality, likings, love, affection, hatred etc etc ... all change with time and in turn change the individual. It is interesting to know that all these aspects are dependent on change in aspects that change themselves. Take for instance the most beautiful of all the beings, humans, and the most beautiful of all emotions, love. Every aspect of love is bound to change depending on external factors ranging from relationships to education to culture to geography. In time, as relationships, education, culture and geography change, love also goes through a slow but sure change. This in turn changes behavior, personality and ultimately the person. The same can be applied to the worse of all human aspects, hatred. This constant (sometimes consistent for a short period of time) change, to me, is defined by the trigonometric function SINE.

I remember asking myself and others so many times the importance of studying theory when it has no pracitcal consequence in real life. Most of the questions have not been answered, however I do believe that if I let light pass through a prism at an appropriate angle it will show me a rainbow, else it will just remain distorted.

Thoughts .... limited .... maybe not.

Hey... oooh...

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay

Were laid spread out before me as her body once did

All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun

Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything

Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore

And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds

Of what was everything.

Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside

I'm surrounded by some kids at play

I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?

Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head

I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning

How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass

Of what was everything?

All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black

Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...

Uh huh... uh huh... ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky,

but why why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

(Black by Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam)

Rich forgiving

Work is a real pleasure nowadays. I have come much closer to a lot people because there is so less to do (as in work) and I keep wasting everyone's time. A few days ago, in one of many interesting conversations, somebody mentioned a line that stuck in my head and I thought about it for a very long time.

"What if God allowed humans to buy deeds for the money they have earned in this world?"

Initially I felt lost. I had never given this thought any thought because to me money has always been evil and God would just not allow it. I gave it a thought and realized the importance of not letting anyone carry anything from this world to that.

Dwelling further into this thought I realized that the one thing that would be murdered in every possible form is "relationships". In our world of lies, deceit and resultant paranoia, money already plays an imporant role in turning healthy relationships into U2s "With or Without you" (literally that is) - we need relationships but then money is also important and at some point it becomes really important so there is no other relationship that can exist but the one with money. Today's relationships require money - no money no honey (I hate that phrase so much). From daddy's last will to dowry, every relationship - at some point - has been left lifeless because of this evil.

For years humans have fought and killed each other for money which has, as per Godsmack, left us "raped and drained of an innocence". Pick up any history book and one can see the human history filled with cases wherein money has played its evil role either directly or indirectly. One can contest that Power has also played an important part in destroying human-kind. But then, who is allowed to take "Power" with them at the end of it all? Also, in so many cases money has been a catalyst in the overall spread of evil due to wrong use of excessive power.
Let's take a guess, if God actually allowed the money earned to be exchanged for deeds, who would be the best human being? Warren Buffet (or Bill Gates for that matter. But then, what would happen to all those who filed the anti-trust lawsuits? The doorman of Hell would be waiting). But then what would happen to all the selfless human beings who never had any wordly desires and the purpose of their life was the betterment of humankind?

Money attracts money which inturn attracts vanity and selfishness. Those who are rich want more to be the best, and those who are poor, want more to have enough, and those who have enough want more to be rich. There is just no end to it. Imagine the world coming to an end sooner then it should because humans would do anything in the name of money to succeed in the hereafter. I contest myself that it is not money that is evil but humans themselves. I say, sure - the very reason why money itself would not be held accountable for anything but humans and that too for their deeds, not their money.

Give way to get away

In life there are many instances when God gives us a chance to identify how life is planned for us. Getting away with wrong is one. For some, it is easy to do wrong and get away with it. I guess God has his own way of letting it go for a while before making one realize the right. In my case, most of the time, I get the result of my wrongs immediately. Trust me, I am not complaining.

I was driving on a busy road in deira going to sharjah. I had been waiting 15 minutes to get close to the signal moving only a few inches everytime the light turned green. I was at least 40 minutes away from my destination. There was this middle-aged guy who moved really close to my car and wanted to move in front of me and expected me to give him way. He had two kids in the car with him. I (as a normal impatient soul) made up my mind that I will not let him through.

As the light turned green I accelerated hard enough to make sure he does not get the way almost cursing him as I sped past by him. Naturally I was pissed off and to my surprise - as I looked into the rear-view mirror - so was he. There are moments when one fails to realize the importance to reach somewhere as quickly as possible and not having a choice. It is not a good situation to be in because I failed to realize that everyone is in a hurry - some more than me - and there is nothing wrong in giving way. I was not willing to let these right thoughts take over the wrong ones.

Immediately after crossing the signal I realized that I was in the last lane which merges with the second lane on the left. This guy, although behind me, moved into the lane left to mine. He saw me coming in from the right lane and came close to me looked me in the eye and gestured offering me the way. God just made sure I get a result of my anger there and then. I was too angry and there was too much ego for me to take his offer.

It took a few seconds for me to realize my mistake and cool me down. I cannot forget the face of that guy when he offered me the way. To date it makes me think about my wrong actions and their consequences and the guilty feeling after it. Another learning experience, I must say.